two years

Words can't describe how deeply in love I am with my CJ. Words can't describe how much I miss him. How much I miss my best friend and husband. I can't even wrap my mind around two years of him being gone. How two years ago we finished watching downton abbey and breaking bad and talked about how we didn't have to go out to show each other how much we loved each other. We just wanted to be together. I so wish I could have just brought him lunch that day and how he would come dancing through the door with his music playing out loud for me with his big smile.. He always put on quite the performance and made me laugh. Today I remember only love... Love for him and for eternal families, how we will be together again. How much CJ loved life and everyone around him and how much he told me he loves me. We love each other hard and my life is up side down without him... But I do know we will be together forever. Our love will pull us through. I love you CJ. You're the best thing that ever happened in my life. #ilovemycj more than, more than. He kissed me on my forehead and told me I love you before he left our apartment...oh how I wish he was here. Today I will be strong for you. 💙💛

That week I was overwhelmed with emotions and with so much support. I know that CJ works through others and I know that so many people sent his love to me. it meant more than anything. I miss hearing him tell me he loves me. I miss being happy, truly happy. Two years without my best friend is hard.. but I really am trying to live a life that I can make him proud. There isn't a "how to" guide book... and I still feel stuck... but day at a time. Thats all I can do. I also know that it's ok to not be ok. To feel such grief is the price we pay for the perfect love. We are perfect for each other... and I pray that one of these days I can feel my CJ push me towards something... so I can go forward with hope. I do know we will be tother again. I am SO VERY grateful for the sealing power for eternity with the man of my dreams. I love you CJ.