Saturday, April 4, 2015


Oh, Easter weekend. It brings so many memories back. SO MUCH HAPPINESS. It really amazes me how I can remember everything so clear. This is the weekend CJ and I flew home to see my family. We already knew we were getting married... CJ was just a gentleman, he had to ask my pops before he could get that ring on my finger. To make me his wife. Right before we got on the plane, CJ sat me down with disappointment, he told me that my ring wasn't ready. He tired to get it done so that I could show my family but it didn't get finished like hr hoped. I was a little bummed, but I really didn't care too much, I was just so happy that I was going to marry my handsome man, and that the ring could wait. The weekend continued as normal. I really didn't even think about the ring. I was just happy to be home.

Friday, CJ went golfing and asked pops permission to marry me. He said he wasn't nervous to ask at all. They had a good talk and great time golfing... they both are kind of obsessed with golfing, so, it couldn't really go wrong. I knew my family approved of CJ since day one. He's a charmer. ( Little did I know that he told my pops a little secret)

Saturday we just hung out and watched conference. Played some tennis. Went to the beach for sunset.

 Sunday, Easter Sunday, my grandma and grandpa came down to watch the littles have their Easter egg hunt at our house this year.  (they already met CJ before and said they approved of him way before I did) We hid the eggs together and then we all watched the little kids find them. I remember just holding his hand in my back yard feeling so happy. The big thing that happened that day was that we took a family picture. THE WHOLE FAMILY... CJ stood by my side, gave my butt a squeeze behind the camera eyes. He made the cut, he was in the picture... even without a ring on my finger to make it official. After dinner CJ wanted to go down to the beach for sunset. I didn't even think twice. I grabbed my jacked and we went down to our spot. Right before we left my sisters were so excited (thinking he was going to propose to me) but I KNEW that CJ didn't have a ring.. because anything that man told me... I took his word. I was sure of it... HE DIDNT HAVE A RING.. So I turned and said " there is nothing to get excited about.. CJ doesn't have the ring yet" and I shut the door and left. (My dad let his little secret out between CJ and him from Friday... I was just the only one that wasn't in on it) Once we got to the beach I was getting ready to climb up on the rock where we could sit and watch our sunset together. I felt a tug on me turning me around... I remember I was almost annoyed that he did in the middle of my climb.... I was CLEARLY trying toget up the rock. When I turned around I found CJ on one knee. I remember saying "thats not a funny joke, babe"... then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring. (now looking back, I totally remember CJ almost a little stressed that he NEEDED his jacket before we went to the beach. I was like we have a blanket... but he insisted and off we drove to the beach. He was such a sneaker). I was in complete shock. I remember my heart racing... hearing him tell me he wanted to grow old with me and lots of really cute things and then he asked if I would marry him. "YES" thats what I said!! I was so nervous and excited.. so was CJ... that I stuck out my right hand for him to put the ring on my finger  before it registered what happened.. and I had to correct myself on what hand to put the beautiful ring he made for me, my engaged hand!! I was officially engaged! (I had no idea what the ring looked like. CJ and I spent a total of 10 minutes in a ring store before he said he knew what to do... and since I trusted him... out the doors we went, and that was the only time I went into a ring store my whole life). I was so happy. WE were so happy. I kept looking at my ring. I yelled "I'm engaged!" and a person from the beach watched the whole thing and came up to us to congratulate us. I told him I was the lucky one. We watched the sunset with a ring on my finger. On the way home... I couldn't even think straight on who I need to tell and pictures to show. He called his mom. I sent pictures out to my friends... and we held hands home laughing how I totally got PUNKED. When we pulled down the driveway and walked into my house all my family was cheering and so excited. They went out and got sparkling cider and had cute cups all ready for when we got home. CJ told my dad that he had the ring and that I didn't know (the secret)

... so everyone in my family was just waiting for CJ to propose any second. They thought he would during the easter egg hunt.... but he didn't... and they kept waiting. CJ told me he was so nervous the whole time and didn't know when to ask.. he said he just wanted it to be us. That if he did it in front of the family there was too much pressure.. but he held on to my ring every day.. just incase the moment felt right. I am so glad he did it when he did. How it was just us. I miss us.

Easter weekend has so many emotions too... the real meaning of Easter. That our savior, Jesus Christ, was resurrected. That he lives. Because of him.. families can be together FOREVER. He is the reason that I can see my CJ again. That we will have our ETERNITY. He gives us all hope. He gave his life for us so that we can be together forever. We have the atonement in our lives so that we can try our best and even in our short comings, he will make up the rest, and we will be able to return home.  There is a quote that I like "we are all walking each other home", and we only can because of our savior, Jesus Christ, families are together forever. I repeat that so many times... because it really is the glimmer of hope that I have in my dark and lonely hours. That hope that I WILL see CJ again. Just thinking of our reunion brings tears to my eyes.. because it is what I crave, but, I also know it is so far away. I try to think of what CJ would want of me.. how I need to live this life here... because he wants me to find happiness here. Our happiness and love is eternal.. and WILL NEVER CHANGE. I am so grateful that I know was real love is. That I can honestly say CJ and I have the best kind of love. That we made each other better and complete. The hope that I always will have this with CJ and that we will be together again... is what I hold dear to my heart.


Every Easter I replay this day in my head. CJ said he always did things on holidays so that he wouldn't forget. Technically he proposed April 4th, but we always just counted it on Easter, no matter what day Easter falls on.

So many emotions. Sad ones that he isn't here... but I really only have happy memories. I just wish I had more with him.. I love him. I love the true meaning to Easter. That he is risen. That life is eternal and continues on after this earthly life. It's a weekend to reflect. Also a weekend filled with uplifting General Conference... where I am filled with continual comfort that hope is real.


Dusica said...

I admire you for not giving up on life and trying to be positive and see the good things around you. I know this is so energy-sapping at times but it is just what keeps you moving and alive i guess. It seems like CJ was a positive and happy person, and i´m sure he´s beaming down on you with so much pride and joy.

Rebecca Miles said...

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